Life with a newborn: I started this post 3 days ago!!
There are so many things on my mind since Zachary's birth, but the words to express my feelings are hard to come by. This baby boy has changed our lives in so many ways; but most importantly, I feel that M and I have discovered the meaning of true, unconditional love.
The labor and birth of this little miracle was much like our attempts at ttc: long, painful, and not at all what I would have planned for myself. However, the perfect creation that resulted from my efforts has been more than worth what we went through.
It started last Friday (the 20th) at 5:15 as I was awakening from a nap. I felt a low kick from the baby and then a popping sensation followed by GUSHING water. When I say gushing, it's no joke and it just keeps coming. The problem was that I was in bed and needed to get to the bathroom without soaking our carpet!! Quite the challenge. With heart racing, I called M (he was in his home office working that day!). His first response was to start cleaning up the water I had gushed all over the room! I hurriedly gathered the last few items to put in the bag (and also snuck a shower in), and M got everything else ready to go. Within 45 minutes we were on our way to the hospital!
My contractions picked up very quickly once we were settled in to our room. Because my water had broken and my first cervical check revealed I was only 2 cm dilated, they put me on a low dose of pitocin. Within 2 hours I had progressed to 6 cm and was READY for my epidural! And let me say, what a sweet relief that was. I loved every second of it!
The rest of my labor was slower..it took me until 4 am to reach a full 10 cm., at which point I was ready to start pushing. Pushing turned out to be so much different (and harder) than I thought it would be. Mostly because of the epidural, as I couldn't feel a thing! The nurses and M were awesome and were telling me that I was doing an awesome job, but it was so hard for me to tell, and each push drained so much energy from me....keep in mind we'd already been up all night long!
After an hour of pushing my OB came and checked my progress. He told me that baby was having a hard time descending further, despite the great pushing I was doing. He also noted that the baby had a swollen head as a result of being squished against my pubic bone. He wanted me to keep on truckin', so I did. For TWO MORE HOURS. Turns out the little guy's head and shoulders were just too wide to make it through my narrow frame. A.K.A. pubic bone.
When they told me that the recommendation was c-section, I was very sad...BUT I was also extremely exhausted, so I knew that it truly was my only option. M suited up in his haz-mat suit (!!), and by 7:45 they were wheeling me into the O.R.
I think I slept through most of the actual surgery. I remember feeling tugging and hearing voices all around me, but not much else UNTIL I heard the sweetest sound: Zachary's beautiful cries. My heart leapt and then the sobs came in abundance. I couldn't believe I was hearing my baby's perfect cries, and just lost it right there on the table. M was over with Zach while they cleaned him up and he got to trim the umbilical cord. Shortly after, they brought him to me so I could kiss his sweet cheeks, and then they were gone (they take the c-section babies to the nursery to get weighed, measured, etc.).
The hour I spent in recovery was quite frankly the hardest and longest of my lifetime. Time literally stood still, and all I can remember is an intense feeling of sadness and helplessness as I begged the nurse to see my baby and my body shook uncontrollably with chills. At some point, M came back, and the pediatrician followed closely behind. She reported a clean bill of health, and of course all I could say was, "When can I see him?" Over and over and over again. At some point, someone told me they were going to keep him in the nursery for a few hours before I could see him. This is the point where I FREAKED out. As they were wheeling me to our postpartum room, I could see my family at the end of the hall looking into the nursery and taking pictures. I felt so absolutely helpless, and demanded that he be brought to me. I can't remember how much time passed (and truly, why I even had to wait at all), but he was finally brought to me, and the celebrations commenced.
We spent 4 days in the hospital - enough time for me to start to heal and become more mobile. It was nice to have the help of the nurses for those first days as we got to know our son, but we were READY to get home on Tuesday!!! Since then, life has been more amazing than words can express. Zachary is an expert breastfeeder, and while it's been a slight challenge due to my milk taking it's sweet time coming in, we are coping well..and I am healing quicker than I expected!
Okay..this is a loong post..more to come soon (I hope!).
