Cheer up, Charlie!

23 weeks!

Just checking in to report that Elfie and I are just plugging along, growing bigger every day and experiencing some of the not-so-joys of pregnancy! Lately, I have had quite a bit of pain and pressure in my lower abdomen, mainly triggered by walking long distances. Unfortunately, the longest distance my body seems to be okay with is to the park down the street from our house. In my book, this is just not nearly enough exercise. Oh yes, and the back pain and heartburn? They're still hanging around too! I don't worry about it too much since most of my pain is relieved the minute I sit down and relax, but will definitely be bringing it up to Dr. D at my appointment on Monday. I'm guessing it is just par for the course, and most likely ligament stretching...Has anyone else experienced this or something similar?

The nursery is coming along steadily. We are going to start our furniture shopping soon, and then it will really start to come together (!). Charlie (our canine "baby") has been moping around the house since I've become increasingly less mobile...but last Friday I found one way to cheer him up:

He loves to feel Elfie kicking away at my belly button! This is in the nursery..as you can see, I decided to get crafty with some canvasses, paint, and stencils. Funny that I have those done, but still need the majority of my furniture!!!

Love me some snow.

So..it's snow day today...which means NO SCHOOL!!! Gotta love the day off and a chance to relax in front of the fire with my pooch.

Drinking coffee from my santa mug + reading + fire + snow falling outside + Christmas music + tree lights = joy and contentment in my heart.

M and I dote so much on this spoiled rotten dog, we joked last night that it is ABOUT TIME for a kid! Charlie might have just a few problems with some competition, though ;)

I love this season. Here are some pics of Charlie's morning romp in the snow!!

Really? And a little bit of gratitude.

We moved to our New City in June 2008. We had just started TTC, and the first thing we did upon buying the house was to adopt Charlie, our handsome Black Lab. I was not at the point of concern in our baby journey at that point...just blissfully unaware. One day in July I took the rambunctious little bugger for a walk to the park(has anyone attempted to walk a 3-month old Labrador? Impossible...but that's a whole other story). I sat down on a bench where a woman was nursing her teeny little baby girl. I smiled at her and struck up a conversation..she told that she and her husband had also recently moved to New City, and that their baby was 2 months old. We chatted a few minutes more, and I scooted along with "Trouble" tagging me along. I remember wondering of someday I would run into her again with my own child. At that time, I thought I was very close to becoming pregnant!

Throughout the year and 4 months since then, I've thought of her a few times..wondering if they still lived here and how old their baby was. I look for her when I walk my now well-behaved, mature canine.

Today I was standing in line at the post office, and I looked up to see that she was being waited on at the counter. Once I realized it was her, I looked around for baby girl...but didn't see here anywhere. I couldn't help but overhear her conversation with the guy helping her. He was asking about her daughter. I heard her saying that the little girl is 18 months now (quick mental math told me that yes, that is the exact amount of time we have been trying)...and then she said, "And I only have 5 more weeks with this one!" At which point she turned, and sure enough her big, beautiful pregnant belly came into focus.

I was so taken aback! It seemed so recently that I met her with her teeny, tiny baby...and here she is about to give birth again! When I met her that day I was so excited at the thought that I would have a baby soon!

The thing is...I don't know her story. For all I know, these two children were IVF babies...I just couldn't help but say, "Really?"

And since I've been such a complainer lately, I feel some gratitude comin' on..
Today, I am grateful for:

1. Being prepared for my big Thanksgiving Feast that is in just over two weeks!! That's right, folks...I have never made a turkey, and this year I'll be cooking for 14 adults and 4 children. Needless to say, I started planning a few months ago (that's the teacher in me), so that the few days prior to the BIG DAY wouldn't be spent in stressful chaos.
2. Cold weather - I LOVE snuggling up in front of the fire!
3. My hard-working, loving, reassuring, practical hubby. He is my best friend and I couldn't ask for a better life partner.
4. My MIL and her fabulous Monday night meal, and her amazing photographic skills!
5. Organization and creativity.
6. Snuggles with my furbabies...even when they act like I am smothering them, I know they secretly love the doting attentiveness. I can't help it! M told me recently (as I was tucking Charlie in for bed) that it's time for a BABY, or else the dog is going to get a crib and a stroller!

Been MIA...

Boy, oh boy, it's been a crazy fun two weeks! The fun began week before last with a much-needed and anticipated visit from my friend E. We had a blast together, but of course it was too short! I played tour guide and we hit all the must-do hot spots (she's never been to my city before..), and we spent a bunch of time crafting homemade cards. The day E left I got a visit from my friend H... hers was a whirlwind 24 hour trip, but awesome nonetheless. H left on the 20th, and the next day M and I packed up the car and headed off on out BIG ADVENTURE.

We planned to hit up some friends who recently moved to a new city in a new state for a few days of fun and camping, and from there we had no plan. It was fantastic. Just the three of us (yes, we took furbaby Charlie to make our trip interesting!) and the open road. We were literally driving by the seats of our pants! We stayed in many beautiful cities - explored, shopped, ate, drank, camped, and DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IF!!!!!!!!!

It was so nice to reconnect with M and remember the days that were not marred by our inability to get pregnant. It was wonderful to not think about, see, or read about pregnant women and ectopic pregnancies. I loved not worrying about doc appointments, taking temperatures and pills, analyzing symptoms, and obsessing about hCG levels..It was heaven.

I'm feeling grateful to be home with my bed, my kitchen, and some clean clothes. I am most pleased, however, to come back to my blogging buddies and the recent BFP announcements from Just Me , Murgdan, and Courtney. These ladies have endured long, painful journeys and all three are pregnant through IVF. Congrats to you all, my heart is with you and your growing beans!

4 days!

I am on the tail end of my Methotrexate! This coming Saturday marks two weeks, and I'm planning on doing it up big. I haven't had any leafy, green veggies or wine, and I'm starting to go a little crazy. Not. Kidding. Especially since yesterday was our 2 year anniversary and we had sushi to celebrate. Sushi without wine or sake is just not the same. It's extremely hard to not eat salad, I am a lover of all things green!

The good news is (and yes, there is always a silver lining) that I received a call from the RE's office on Saturday afternoon after my beta. They reported that my 415 went down to 287 in a 3 days. Yay! That means I (probably) wont have to go in for another shot, as this one seems to be working to resolve my ectopic.

I'm having mixed emotions about not being able to try for the next few cycles. On one hand, I am sad and anxious (and impatient!), and REALLY want to get pregnant in 2009. Every month that passes decreases the chances for that happening....Of course, as my mother points out, we DID get pregnant in 2009, but I was kind of hoping more for the kind of pregnancy that actually yields A BABY. On the other hand, I'm grateful for a little break from planning and obsessing. So far, it has been nice to be focusing my attention on other things in my life. Not thinking about it has made me a little bit more healthy in the head, and my body will be happy to be drug and hormone free for a few months!

On Sunday, M and I took fur baby Charlie for a hike to a lake nearby. Here's a pic of me and my baby:

Poor Squirrely.

The other night, M and I came across something very strange (and gross) looking on the kitchen floor. We had no idea what it was, but suspected that Charlie or Lola had left us a "gift." So M got down on all fours and sniffed it, as I ran for a paper towel to scoop it up. We held it close, carefully examining it, and speculated that it looked like some sort of cocoon.


All of a sudden, the lightbulb came on! I ran over to Charlie's toy box....and low and behold......I found Squirrely...WITH AN AMPUTATED ARM! Oh man, M and I got a good laugh from this. I was hysterical that we were so afraid of this unknown item, even scooping it up with a paper towel - afraid to touch it - only to have it turn up as poor Squirrely's arm!

Charlie, you never cease to entertain us!

New Kitchen.

Sunday always comes so fast! We had a relaxing AND productive day today, which, to me, is the whole point of having weekends!!! It's so important to rest, but it's also the time to get stuff done because you're not exhausted from the work day. After M mowed both lawns (I couldn't help today :(..), we took a "leisurely stroll" to Hope Depot because I had this genius idea that I wanted to put hardware on our kitchen cabinets. Interesting note: it is VERY hard to "stroll." I literally had to slow myself down at times. Not an easy task, and it doubled our normal travel time to HD.

I had a ton of brushed nickel knobs left over from our apartment days, and wanted to put them to good use! So we went to "the homeowner's paradise", which, by the way, we visit EVERY WEEKEND, and picked out the handles we wanted for our drawers..and we needed a few longer bolts, so we got those too. We love the HD by our house because they let you bring your dog inside. Charlie is a BIG FAN of this!

We had a fun afternoon of drilling, screwing (get your minds out of the gutter!), and admiring our new hardware. M made the point that it really helps detract from how beat-up our cabinets are, and I think they make the kitchen look more elegant and finished - they help to break the monotony of the all the cherry! We are about halfway done...

I think we are becoming home-improvement addicts! I'm okay with that.

But I want a baby...now!!

Sir Charles the First (my baby!!)

I never thought my journey would be such a long, emotionally draining process just to become pregnant. I always thought the hard part was supposed to be once you HAD the baby!

Before I get to the story of the human baby, I MUST mention my second "Fur Baby" Charlie! He is a black Labrador Retriever. We adopted Charlie very shortly after we bought our house, and he has been nothing but joy and entertainment since. He is adored by all, but most of all his doting parents who spoil him to pieces!

So..after trying "naturally" (meaning I didn't use anything to help detect ovulation and I hadn't really done much research) for 3 months, I decided to start taking my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) in August 2008. I had read that this was a useful tool in confirming ovulation and learning the patterns of one's cycle. So I went to WalMart and bought the BBT thermometer, which measures to the hundredth degree, so as to get a more accurate reading. I created an account on ferti.lityfr.iend.com, and began the daily process of recording waking temps and other fertility signs.

I temped from August until November (4 months). Each time, I confirmed ovulation, and had very regular cycles. When AF (Aunt Flo) showed up on Thanksgiving, I was sad (it had been 7 months and 8 cycles of trying at that point), and was beginning to suspect something might be wrong. Everyone was telling me that I just needed to relax and stop thinking about it (right).***Side Note: you should check out the blog, "Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies." It put a lot of things into perspective for me...***

SO I stopped temping and just tried to think about other things. This proved to be hard during the holidays for a few reasons. First, do we really have power over the thoughts that biology drives? Second, being around family makes me want one of my own even more! And third, I found out that two of my oldest and dearest friends were beginning their quest to be mothers also. Now, this third reason made me think even more about motherhood because I had this tiny, nagging fear that they would both be pregnant sooner than I. Not that I felt in competition with them, or that I wouldn't be ELATED for them, but that I knew it would be hard to see them attain what I had been working for for awhile!

We tried again in December and January with no success, and I FINALLY made the decision to talk to my OB/GYN about it. I scheduled an appointment for February. I was very excited, because I knew that it would be the first step to getting fertility help. I was, in a way, turning over the control to the doctors. I was frustrated with "nature," as I felt it had let me down! The OB said that standard protocol was for the male to be tested first (I already knew this, as I am an avid internet researcher!). M was thrilled (not!), but was SUCH a good sport. This was the month I found out that old, dear friend #1 was 3 months pregnant.

After M's test came back within the "normal range," the doc ordered a Hysterosalpingogram for me. This took place in early March 2009. It was a bit painful, but really cool to see my uterus and fallopian tubes on the screen! Especially because the test came back normal, which means that my tubes and uterus are open! So...we continue our Baby dancing...

When we failed in March to become pregnant (which was disappointing because I had this theory that since my mom became preggers after her HSG that I would too), the doctor prescribed my first round of Clomid...a.k.a. crazy pills. I was to start them at the beginning of April (right around Easter). This is when I found out old, dear friend #2 was very newly pregnant. The phrase "mixed feelings," doesn't do it justice.

The remaining months went as follows:
April 2009: 1st round of Clomid, 50 mg. Failed.
May 2009: 2nd round of Clomid, 150 mg. Failed. DIDN'T OVULATE!!
June 2009: 1st appt with RE.
*I was thrilled to be seeing the RE! In my consult, the doctor told me that based on the testing and history we had, our course of treatment would be IUI (intrauterine insemination), accompanied by another round of Clomid at 50mg. He then took me in for an ultrasound. It was so cool to see my insides on the screen until...he found a bunch of HUMONGOUS cysts on my ovaries! I was totally freaking out! He said that it was caused by a high dosage of Clomid, which overstimulated my ovaries and turned them into grapefruits. This changed the plan of treatment, as he said that we'd have to wait a month for the cysts to dissipate. He also recommended that we don't "baby dance," in the next few weeks, as there is a possibility that the cysts will develop follicles that will then release eggs....which means I'd be OCTO MOM! No way, Jose! Not for me!

So the plan is to wait through June and begin the IUIs in July. Woo-Hoo!

Okay..and now for the history...of us!

Christmas 2008 with Charlie

Christmas 2007 with Lola

Wedding Day, August 2007

Engagement

M (my dear husband of almost 2 years!) met 4 years ago on Match.com. We dated for a year and half before becoming engaged, and were married 8 months after that. Our wedding was beautiful. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day surrounded by everyone I love and cherish!

At the time, we were living in a comfortable 2-bedroom apartment. We used the extra room as an office/guest room, and it worked pretty well as a temporary living situation! We have always had a goal of buying a house and starting a family...when we got married, it was agreed upon that we would wait a year and then start trying.

In the meantime....I couldn't resist my urge to nurture, so we adopted out first "fur baby" Lola. She is a black cat (some say she is dark brown) who brought (and brings!) us much joy and entertainment. Watching M with her used to melt my heart - it was my first glimpse into his nurturing side. So sweet.

Approximately 5 months into our marriage, during a trip to visit M's parents' house (about 8 hours driving time from us) we decided to start looking around at some of the houses. After a bit of investigative work into our current housing market, we were curious to compare the two. Boy, were we pleasantly surprised! It was a bit shocking (and exciting!) to us that we could potentially afford a real house with backyard, etc. in the new city. This would never have been possible where we were.

So...we started some serious looking into a house within out budget. After we spoke with a few lenders and found what we could be approved for, we hired a realtor and began the tedious process of house hunting! It took some time (6 months) and many trips back and forth, but on Memorial Day we finally found the house of our dreams! We made our offer, went through a few negotiations, and were finally home owners!

May was the month we made the "commitment to parenthood." And so the fun began...!

June, 2008 was a hectic month as I packed up my entire classroom AND our entire apartment. More difficult to coordinate for the move was all the various furniture M's family was giving us! We had a few different pickup locations for the movers...but boy were we ever grateful to have furniture to fill out house! We are so thankful to have loyal friends and family, especially our "surrogate parents" Bruce and Bea, who made our move logistically and emotionally possible. What a blessing. This was a very exciting time for us as a couple. Lola was not as enthusiastic!

Okay..I'm exhausted after that! The fertility story begins next....