Classes, Cankles, and Costa Rica!

27 weeks.

Hey people!

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. I am really busy lately, and can't seem to find the energy to sit down and spill everything...although I feel as though so much is happening that I want to share!

So, to start, I haven't heard back about my glucose test, which leads me to believe that I passed. I have an appt. with Dr. D on Monday so I'll double check with him because I'm curious about the number!

I recently took a fabulous trip to Southern Cal with my M, my mom, and my stepdad. It was so nice to relax in the sun and talk about our plans when the little man arrives. Mom and I went shopping, and Elfie ended up with more clothes than I did! I bought a cute bikini though, and am pleasantly surprised at how comfortable I am sporting the bare belly bump. My friend E and I saw SATC 2 (because we are big fans and saw the first one together)...and it was okay. I laughed, but didn't think is was as good as the first movie...and certainly not as good as the series.

I am definitely starting to feel more fatigued lately, and it comes in the form of really sore feet at the end of the day, and a sore back after standing/walking too long. I am also the lucky recipient of EDEMA....a.k.a. CANKLES. It's pretty shocking and disgusting, really. I look down at my feet and can't even see my ankle bones. I'm noticing quite a bit of water retention in my legs as well. Walking has gotten better since I've slowed my pace, so I'm at least still getting some exercise.

Elfie's movements are changing also. Well, it's probably not his movements so much as how I they feel to me. With his increasing size I can actually follow body parts (most likely feet or knees) as they move across my belly. CRAZY COOL. Sometimes he'll get me on the side of my tummy and it tickles like crazy. I love it!

I changed my background in preparation of our LAST HURRAH! In 9 days we are leaving for Costa Rica!!! I will be 28.5 weeks when we leave and 29.5 when we return. Needless to say, this will be it for us in terms of traveling before the birth. We will be doing it up big! M's whole family will be there to celebrate his parents' 45th wedding anniversary. He has three brothers who each have 2 kids, so it'll be a full house but tons of fun. I, of course, will be living in the pool (and the kitchen!).

When we return we have our baby shower to look forward to. After that we have an all-day childbirth class in addition to two evening classes (one is a breastfeeding class and the other is infant basics). Then we're in the home stretch! It's so hard to believe how incredibly fast this pregnancy is flying by, and how soon we will be meeting our son.

I'm leaving you with some pics of my time away with the fam..

He's a kicker!

I've been a slacker blogger this week...my apologies! I just returned from a fabulous trip out of state to visit my Mom and Stepdad to see their new home. It was so much fun to relax and catch up with them. Mom and I did a little bit of baby planning and dreaming (and shopping!), and she was officially the first one to feel Elfie kicking from the outside.

My boy has gotten so much stronger in the past two weeks, and is now consistently kicking (or punching?) my belly button. The sensation of feeling my baby move inside of me is incredibly unreal. It's quite possibly the most moving, exciting experience in my life so far. I crave the movement, and when it happens I am fascinated and in awe. Today, sitting on the couch, it was so strong I could actually see my belly moving.

M and I painted Elfie's room last weekend, and I have plans to get the furniture soon. We inherited a white Jen.ny L.ind crib from M's SIL, which has been sitting disassembled in the room for two years! I put the bedding on to see how it looks, and I'm even more in love with it now than when I picked it out. So we are going with white furniture...and I'd like to make a trip to I.KEA to see some of our options. My friend is selling us her glider for $40...I lucked out on that one!

We registered at BRU on Sunday, it feels great to have checked that off the list. The actual experience of registering was overwhelming. Especially when you start in the breastfeeding and/or baby safety section. There are SO MANY different products to choose from! I think we did a good job of starting with the basics, and now we're having fun getting online and adding/deleting items as I do more research. I also started reading a few parenting books to get me prepared to be a mommy!

This morning I had an appointment with a cardiologist. Dr. D (my OB) referred me to him because I told him that I've had a few episodes of my heart racing and I also have heart palpitations quite frequently. He told me that it's completely normal for such things to happen in pregnancy since circulation changes so much, but I think after seeing that there's heart disease in my family, he wanted to take all necessary precautions. The appointment this morning went well. He did and EKG and took a pretty thorough history, only to tell me that he thinks I'm fine. I wasn't too worried, just glad to be more safe than sorry!

A Happy Weekend

18w4d

M and I had a busy, fun Easter weekend! My brother flew in early Saturday morning, and my dad and grandpa came Saturday afternoon. I hosted dinner on Saturday, and had a house full of MEN! It wasn't until we were all sitting around the table that I realized I was very much in the minority! Oh well, it was great. They were all happy to see me with energy and were surprised by my growing bump!

Sunday, my MIL hosted Easter dinner for everyone. It was a lot of fun to have everyone together. I LOVE holidays for that reason!

Lately, the bump has expanded so much that, while I don't feel huge, I certainly think I look whale-ish in pictures. I am very short-waisted, so little Elfie has nowhere to go but out! It's funny how I've always loved, admired, and envied beautiful pregnant bellies, but when it comes to seeing the weight gain on me, I'm just totally taken aback. Don't get me wrong...I'm loving it...just a little unaccustomed!

Here's me with my Dad:



And one of me and Elfie!

Finally. (Warning: this is LOOONG).

Okay...so, you all know that I had an ectopic pregnancy with IUI#1 back in July. It was a nightmarish experience - one that I'm not going to relive in detail right now - and I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest.

First, because we were not immediately certain that it was ectopic (the numbers started low, then doubled, then tapered off), we told out families and few very close friends that we were pregnant. Of course, this ended up being a huge mistake because we then had to un-tell everyone. It was a pretty darn awful experience.

So...we decided to A) not tell anyone about our future treatments (we were so tired of the questions and advice we kept getting), and B) NOT TELL ANYONE FOR A LONG TIME once we did finally get pregnant. I was on a forced break from treatment in September and October - although we did try naturally - and then started treatment again in November. We did Femara (got two nice-looking follicles!) with hCG trigger and IUI only to have a BFN 2 days after Thanksgiving. I was very sad...I knew our chances of conceiving in 2009 were quickly fading.

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So this brings us to today. This month, M and I did our 3rd and final IUI because we are dead broke (we have ZERO IF insurance or coverage, and the surgery set us back even further). I convinced him to do this last one and then we could take a break with a TBD date of re-entry into the world of IF payments, meds, and HELL.

I started Acupuncture this month and it was awesome. LOVED IT> and will continue if I happen to inherit a small fortune. We did our IUI on December 10...with a natural lh surge! I was pretty bummed because although M's numbers and motility were awesome, I only had ONE follicle. Are you kidding me? My beta was scheduled for today at 13 dpo.

Of course, I had zero symptoms and was already preparing myself for a crappy Christmas. Until last Sunday (10 dpo). I was working on a scrapbook for my mom as a gift for Christmas, and I started feeling some interesting sensations in my nether regions. On a whim, I went to CVS and bought a FRER (because I'm so rich, right?). It was 12:00pm when I took it, so it wasn't FMU....and saw a very faint line. I started hyperventilating. I was in complete shock.

I waited for M to come home and verify that wasn't seeing things. We decided I would call the RE on Monday to see what we should do. Of course, I'm thinking that it's in my tube and I just want to catch it in time, so let's get these betas over with. My NP (whom I love) told me that they don't normally do betas at 11 dpo, but that she would do it for me because she knew I would be a neurotic mess of I had to wait until Wednesday (gotta love her). So I went in on Monday at 11 am. The number as 27. NP told me that the doc was very pleased with such a great number at such an early stage.

So..of course I continued to POAS just to put my mind at ease until today. The line was getting gradually darker, so I knew it was going up. When I got today's results I was floored. We had calculated that it should be AT LEAST (with a 60% rise) in the 40s....but mine was 82!!!!! I convinced her to let me come in next Tuesday for another beta.

NP and doc say that I am pregnant. I want to say that I am pregnant. M says he'll believe it when he sees a baby. I still can't help but smile and enjoy it while it lasts, even if that is just a little while.

Merry Christmas!

Halloween

I love Halloween. I think my earliest memories of this holiday are accompanied with feelings of warmth, happiness, and joy. As a child, the sheer excitement of dressing up and receiving FREE candy was enough to do it for me. As I grew, I realized all of the other details that made it special: my mom baked cookies or some other special treat and make hot chocolate for when we returned; pumpkins seeds were always roasting in the oven; and there was always a feeling of togetherness between family and friends.

When I was in college, I remember the first Halloween in which I roasted the pumpkin seeds, baked the cookies, and got to open the door for the kids in costume. It was a neat feeling to be carrying on the tradition.

M and I now live in a neighborhood that gets a good amount of trick-or-treaters. This is our second Halloween in our house, and I have carried on my favorite traditions from childhood here as well. Last year I passed out the candy to the kids. I was sad at that time that we hadn't been successful, bit I still had a hopeful anticipation that this year we'd be taking our precious little one around the neighborhood. Or at least we'd be celebrating with our baby.

I was not sad this year. I put up the decorations, we carved the pumpkins, I baked the cookies, roasted the seeds, and made the hot chocolate. I answered the door, saw a lot of really cute kids (and some not-so-cute teenagers)......and then the babies came.

In a span of a half-hour we had approximately 5 different families with adorable babies. I was fine with the first one..did the appropriate ooh-ing and cooing at the little boy dressed as a lion. I even remarked to M on how cute he was. The second time I was not so lucky. It was a little baby girl dressed as a bumble bee. I gave her mom the candy, and as I shut the door I broke down. Sobbing. M came to the rescue and answered the rest of the torturous doorbell rings. I think we were both surprised at this emotion. I've been doing so well.

I am cautious of any hope for next year. I'm afraid to let any happy anticipation in...it seems to make the disappointment much more bitter. I hate that I am so jaded. I LOVE children with a passion (Hello? I'm a teacher? And I'm getting a little tired of loving everyone else's kids?)...and I never thought in a million years there would be this sadness on a most-loved holiday.

Slacker

Hello friends! My apologies about being a SLACKER blogger lately. I've been enjoying catching up on my reading though, and have a few updates of my own.

It's been a really nice break from TTC. M and I have been doing a lot lately; family visits, baby showers, retirement parties, work, and enjoying the new Fall weather has really helped to keep our minds off of being childless (and infertile!).

In the past two weeks our family has had some devastating news. One of my grandmothers was diagnosed with terminal cancer of five different organs. She is managing her pain and nausea at home with hospice nurses, but knows that the end is imminent. It is so heartbreaking to know that there's nothing we can do except tell her how much we love her and to make her as comfortable as possible. It's so unfair that a woman who took such good care of herself her entire life (she's in her eighties now) and whose mind is sharp as a tack is left with this in her final days. But I guess we all know about the unfairness of life.

In addition to this sadness, another grandmother passed on a week and a half ago. She was ill for a long time, and thankfully I had many opportunities to say my goodbyes and give her love and kisses. It is still so sad though. No matter how prepared you might think you are to let someone go, there is nothing like the finality of death - knowing you will never see that person in this lifetime again - to make you weep. I am currently working on putting together a photo slideshow of her life for the memorial on Oct. 17th. What has been especially bittersweet for me while working on this project is reflecting back on how many memories I have with this very special woman. I had (almost exactly) 30 awesome years with her, and I desperately want my children to know their grandparents the same way. Every month that passes without a pregnancy reminds me of the time we are losing. This is the hardest part of IF in my opinion.

In better news, I am turning 30. TOMORROW. Yikes! Unfortunately, a cold virus has invaded my sinuses and lungs, so right now my celebration is limited to some valuable time with my neti pot and some hot tea. The ILs are cooking up a dinner for me tonight, and I suspect M might have something up his sleeve for tomorrow, but other than that it is a LOW KEY b-day. So glad for that!

The wait begins.

Our first IUI was a success (so far!). Last night's injection went well, despite the copious amounts of stress accompanying it. We were at the IL's house for FIL's birthday, and I just couldn't relax! M was a pro and I was a wimp..but I survived, and it has served its purpose. It turns out that we have had (as the NP put it) an "optimal" cycle, so of course I am extremely hopeful that we will achieve pregnancy. The IUI itself was quick and relatively painless (I am NOT a fan of the speculum), and we were out of there in less than an hour.

I'm taking it easy today. It's nice to have an excuse to be a lazy bum! Tomorrow I start the progesterone. Oh fun.

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Today, I am grateful for..

My amazing husband, life partner, and best friend.
Increased odds.
Air Conditioning.
Trash television.
My awesome, supportive, caring family.

I hate Clomid.

This month is my third try with clomid, although it's our first experience with IUI. The lower dosage is definitely better, but I am still getting hot flashes and mood swings. I had such a wonderful, relaxing day today, but I found myself crying tonight for no apparent reason! And now I'm fine. It's almost as if the clomid just makes you want to get the tears out and over with. I've heard the injectables are even worse! M was very sweet and understanding tonight. He just hugged and hugged me, and that made me feel a lot better. I know he doesn't have same intensity in his emotions about IF as I do, but I also know he does have sadness and a strong desire for our child to be conceived!

Tomorrow we leave for a long weekend road trip. I am very much looking forward to a change of scenery, and to get our on the open road with my hubby and puppy. We will be visiting my brother, M's brother and SIL, and other various friends. When we come back, I have an ultrasound to monitor the growth and size of my follies. I'm looking forward to this, as it puts us that much closer to the O date!

Friday! Summer is here!

I love the last day of school! I'm always more exhausted on this day, even though it's usually early release for the kids. I have to clean the classroom and tear down bulletin boards. And I'm also emotionally drained because I have to say bye to my students! Even on the worst days, they are just children, and I adore them.

M surprised me with a "last-day-of-school-gift" this morning! He got up at o-dark hundred to stand in line at the Apple Store in anticipation of the new iphone 3G S. He was SUPPOSED to just get one for him (we both have the iphone 3G!!), but when I was pulling away from Starbucks on my way to school, he pulled up next to me with my new phone! Yay! What a good guy he is...!

We are packing and cleaning for a trip to see my parents for Father's Day. I love weekend trips. AND I get to see my brother tomorrow!!!! Reggie and Jack, look out...your weekend is about to get a bit more "energetic"!

A Big Year.

2009. This is a milestone year. Not only will I be turning 30 this year, but my mother will be turning 60! I'm looking at these events in a variety of ways. I truly feel that these milestone birthdays are important because they are marking new phases of life for both of us. As I prepare my body, my life, and my home for motherhood, my own mother prepares her life for retirement.

When Mom told me she was going to retire, I was surprised at the emotions I felt! Upon further contemplation, (even my earliest memories of her), I realized that a large part of my respect, admiration, and IMAGE of my mother is her role as nurse and professional woman. I associate her care of children and her dedication to her career as being a pivotal part of who I have become and the career I chose. I am not sad that my mom is retiring; just bittersweet. I am happy that she is charting a new path, and even more so, I'm proud of the work she's done over her lifetime. She has touched so many lives. Most importantly, though, she's influenced mine in ways she'll never know.