Wow!

NP just called. Today's beta is 1,253.

Ultrasound in 3 weeks on January 18. Oh, how I am praying for this one to stick around.

Wow. I'm speechless.

(and I'm including the chart for reference):

Hard to Believe.

I am still finding myself in a state of disbelief about being pregnant. I find it very difficult to say the word and actually believe that it's me I'm talking about! I've spent the last year and 7 months wanting this, but now have trouble accepting that it's my time. I think the ectopic really messed me up in that way.

Right now, the symptoms are few..I've had a few gagging episodes, and "the girls" are bigger and more sore than they've ever been. I also occasionally get a few distinct twinges/dull cramps in my uterine region. Oh yeah, and I'm 5 days late for AF (no complaints here!). Comparatively, this seems much more "normal" than the last time I saw those two pink lines.

When my NP called last Wednesday to give me the beta score, I asked when they wanted to see me again for the next beta. She replied by explaining that they don't need to see me again! I was dumbfounded, and then proceeded to beg for another blood draw. I know that I'm just not going to be convinced by two betas.

I go in at 8:30 tomorrow. I'll post results when I have them!

Finally. (Warning: this is LOOONG).

Okay...so, you all know that I had an ectopic pregnancy with IUI#1 back in July. It was a nightmarish experience - one that I'm not going to relive in detail right now - and I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest.

First, because we were not immediately certain that it was ectopic (the numbers started low, then doubled, then tapered off), we told out families and few very close friends that we were pregnant. Of course, this ended up being a huge mistake because we then had to un-tell everyone. It was a pretty darn awful experience.

So...we decided to A) not tell anyone about our future treatments (we were so tired of the questions and advice we kept getting), and B) NOT TELL ANYONE FOR A LONG TIME once we did finally get pregnant. I was on a forced break from treatment in September and October - although we did try naturally - and then started treatment again in November. We did Femara (got two nice-looking follicles!) with hCG trigger and IUI only to have a BFN 2 days after Thanksgiving. I was very sad...I knew our chances of conceiving in 2009 were quickly fading.

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So this brings us to today. This month, M and I did our 3rd and final IUI because we are dead broke (we have ZERO IF insurance or coverage, and the surgery set us back even further). I convinced him to do this last one and then we could take a break with a TBD date of re-entry into the world of IF payments, meds, and HELL.

I started Acupuncture this month and it was awesome. LOVED IT> and will continue if I happen to inherit a small fortune. We did our IUI on December 10...with a natural lh surge! I was pretty bummed because although M's numbers and motility were awesome, I only had ONE follicle. Are you kidding me? My beta was scheduled for today at 13 dpo.

Of course, I had zero symptoms and was already preparing myself for a crappy Christmas. Until last Sunday (10 dpo). I was working on a scrapbook for my mom as a gift for Christmas, and I started feeling some interesting sensations in my nether regions. On a whim, I went to CVS and bought a FRER (because I'm so rich, right?). It was 12:00pm when I took it, so it wasn't FMU....and saw a very faint line. I started hyperventilating. I was in complete shock.

I waited for M to come home and verify that wasn't seeing things. We decided I would call the RE on Monday to see what we should do. Of course, I'm thinking that it's in my tube and I just want to catch it in time, so let's get these betas over with. My NP (whom I love) told me that they don't normally do betas at 11 dpo, but that she would do it for me because she knew I would be a neurotic mess of I had to wait until Wednesday (gotta love her). So I went in on Monday at 11 am. The number as 27. NP told me that the doc was very pleased with such a great number at such an early stage.

So..of course I continued to POAS just to put my mind at ease until today. The line was getting gradually darker, so I knew it was going up. When I got today's results I was floored. We had calculated that it should be AT LEAST (with a 60% rise) in the 40s....but mine was 82!!!!! I convinced her to let me come in next Tuesday for another beta.

NP and doc say that I am pregnant. I want to say that I am pregnant. M says he'll believe it when he sees a baby. I still can't help but smile and enjoy it while it lasts, even if that is just a little while.

Merry Christmas!

A Big Fat Zero!!!!!

I never in a million years imagined I'd be sitting here rejoicing at an hCG level of ZERO! But I am, because it means that I no longer have any pregnancy tissue in my tube!!

The frustrating part is that we were told to not try on our own (yeah right, are they actually expecting us to use protection?), and to call when I get my third period. Three AFs is a looong time to wait...but what choice do I have? I guess I'll enjoy those baby-free luxuries for a few more months. It'll be nice to not temp, worry, or POAS. And no more betas!!!

I took my first prenatal a few seconds after I hung up the phone...just a little bit excited, right?!

A slow decrease

As I sat in the lab chair last Friday (the 21st) I asked the NP to say a prayer for a big fat ZERO! She looked at me like I was a little bit off my rocker, probably because she knew that it wouldn't got from 95 to zero in one week! Lo and behold, she was correct. My hCG that day was 40. Definitely a good amount, but not there yet. No prenatals and limited salad for me continues.....

We were concluding our vacation this past Friday, so I rescheduled my appointment for tomorrow (Monday). I guess I'm a bit more realistic this time that it probably won't be zero, but hopeful nonetheless. What makes me curious about my whacked out body right now is that I clearly ovulated last Wednesday (fertile cm, pain and all!), but didn't think this was possible due to hCG still present in my body. I'll be sure to ask about this tomorrow as I sit in the hCG chair for the THIRTEENTH time.

No wonder I have to wait until November. This is taking FOREVER.

More Good News.

I had my two-week follow up exam with my RE today. They drew blood for my TENTH beta to see if my level is still decreasing. While we waited for the results, M and I got a chance to have a really informative Q&A session with the doc. We asked a lot of questions about ectopic pregnancies, our risks for the future, and some of the causes for them. He was super sweet and answered all of our questions with ease and clarity. I totally dig him, and feel good about the level of care we are receiving. We knew we'd be in good hands when we started with him because of the excellent reputation of this particular clinic, but also because he's been on Oprah!!!!

After all the "biology and anatomy" talk, we asked him the biggest and foremost question on our minds: When, exactly, will we be able to try again? He told us that because the methotrexate completely strips the body of folic acid, we have to get my body back in shape in order to produce a baby! The risks of neural tube defects are way too great when you don't have enough folic acid. Since we are still waiting for my level to get to zero, I can't take my prenatals or eat green leafy veggies, so I won't be able to start the 3-month count until it gets to zero. I'm thinking November-ish.

By November, my good friend A will be on the cusp of giving birth, my other friend M will have a 2.5 month old, and I'll be 30.

The nurse called with my results around 3:30. The beta has decreased again to 95. This makes me so happy! The best part, though, is that the doc said I can have a glass of wine tonight....but he warned me not to drink the whole bottle. I think I can handle that!