Blood!

M and I are both feeling a bit "lighter" this afternoon. He picked me up from work and we headed over to LabCorp to have blood taken for infectious disease testing. In addition, I had a cystic fibrosis test. It was kinda cool going together, I felt like we were a team doing all the necessary preparations for next month's IUI. They took four vials from me and two from M...it seemed like so much blood! Now, if only they could get rid of those cysts. They are so cumbersome and stress-producing.

After our blood adventure we had an early-evening wine, cheese, strawberry party for two :). What a nice Wednesday. Sometimes, it's just the simple things...

Taking the Month Off!

As weird as it might sound for someone who is desperate to be a mother, I am happy that we are not trying this month. I think after 13 months it is nice to have a month of not wondering, not obsessing over every little twinge, and not timing everything just perfectly! Hello spontaneity, old friend, we've missed you!

Having said that...why is it that when you are TTC, EVERYONE around you is pregnant? I'm not joking even a little bit here. There are three pregnant ladies in my neighborhood who walk by my house with their dogs (separately - I don't think they're friends) almost every day! Are they taunting me? In addition, every time I go to Walmart, Target, or Raley's I see at least 2 bellies. Every. Time. THREE different news stations have preggers ladies on their broadcasts!

Okay, was my rant for the week. I just had to get it out of my system, and I feel MUCH BETTER. I am truly not a Bitter Betty...only sometimes! My pity party is now over.

Our cabinets (and the whole kitchen for that matter) look fantastic! Last night DH stayed up finishing them. HE is fantastic. I'm such a blessed lady...

New Kitchen.

Sunday always comes so fast! We had a relaxing AND productive day today, which, to me, is the whole point of having weekends!!! It's so important to rest, but it's also the time to get stuff done because you're not exhausted from the work day. After M mowed both lawns (I couldn't help today :(..), we took a "leisurely stroll" to Hope Depot because I had this genius idea that I wanted to put hardware on our kitchen cabinets. Interesting note: it is VERY hard to "stroll." I literally had to slow myself down at times. Not an easy task, and it doubled our normal travel time to HD.

I had a ton of brushed nickel knobs left over from our apartment days, and wanted to put them to good use! So we went to "the homeowner's paradise", which, by the way, we visit EVERY WEEKEND, and picked out the handles we wanted for our drawers..and we needed a few longer bolts, so we got those too. We love the HD by our house because they let you bring your dog inside. Charlie is a BIG FAN of this!

We had a fun afternoon of drilling, screwing (get your minds out of the gutter!), and admiring our new hardware. M made the point that it really helps detract from how beat-up our cabinets are, and I think they make the kitchen look more elegant and finished - they help to break the monotony of the all the cherry! We are about halfway done...

I think we are becoming home-improvement addicts! I'm okay with that.

Sedentary.

So...according to Dr. W, I am to refrain from "strenuous activity" for the next couple of weeks. The reason for this being that I run the risk of ovarian torsion due to the size of my cysts. When I asked if walking the dog was okay, he replied, "As long as it is more of a leisurely stroll than actual exercise." This has me a bit stressed out! I'm not sure if what I'm doing is too much, and I had a lot of anxiety this morning while trying to get some housework done. Every little twinge I feel has me wondering if I'm causing harm to my ovaries. I decided to google it, and here's what I found:

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/795994-overview

It sounds like I'll know if it becomes serious, as the articles states that there will be a lot of pain associated with it. Okay. I can relax a little.

* * * * * * * * *

Tonight we are babysitting our niece (4) and nephew (8). Of course we have Charlie with us to provide a bit of extra entertainment. This will be fun, as we adore these kiddos!

A Big Year.

2009. This is a milestone year. Not only will I be turning 30 this year, but my mother will be turning 60! I'm looking at these events in a variety of ways. I truly feel that these milestone birthdays are important because they are marking new phases of life for both of us. As I prepare my body, my life, and my home for motherhood, my own mother prepares her life for retirement.

When Mom told me she was going to retire, I was surprised at the emotions I felt! Upon further contemplation, (even my earliest memories of her), I realized that a large part of my respect, admiration, and IMAGE of my mother is her role as nurse and professional woman. I associate her care of children and her dedication to her career as being a pivotal part of who I have become and the career I chose. I am not sad that my mom is retiring; just bittersweet. I am happy that she is charting a new path, and even more so, I'm proud of the work she's done over her lifetime. She has touched so many lives. Most importantly, though, she's influenced mine in ways she'll never know.

Thursday!

Thursdays bring hope. They, to me, are the beginning of my weekend mindset. This is not to say that I am "checked out" at work on Fridays. Only that I have an extra spring in my step that signifies my joy that the weekend has arrived at last. I LOVE Friday. It is simply the best day of the week!

That being said...Today I am grateful for:

1. Parents of students who acknowledge my hard work. They inspire me to be my best!
2. Colleagues who keep me sane throughout the day.
3. My dog - he is so innocent, loving, and easy to please...and he doesn't talk back!
4. Rain, thunder, and lightning. Without it, the heat would be unbearable.
5. My husband and the delicious dinner he prepared tonight.
6. Long conversations with my bestest friend in the world.
7. New tomatoes and herbs growing in my garden.
8. AF. Now WHEN have I ever been happy to see her???
9. Hope.

But I want a baby...now!!

Sir Charles the First (my baby!!)

I never thought my journey would be such a long, emotionally draining process just to become pregnant. I always thought the hard part was supposed to be once you HAD the baby!

Before I get to the story of the human baby, I MUST mention my second "Fur Baby" Charlie! He is a black Labrador Retriever. We adopted Charlie very shortly after we bought our house, and he has been nothing but joy and entertainment since. He is adored by all, but most of all his doting parents who spoil him to pieces!

So..after trying "naturally" (meaning I didn't use anything to help detect ovulation and I hadn't really done much research) for 3 months, I decided to start taking my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) in August 2008. I had read that this was a useful tool in confirming ovulation and learning the patterns of one's cycle. So I went to WalMart and bought the BBT thermometer, which measures to the hundredth degree, so as to get a more accurate reading. I created an account on ferti.lityfr.iend.com, and began the daily process of recording waking temps and other fertility signs.

I temped from August until November (4 months). Each time, I confirmed ovulation, and had very regular cycles. When AF (Aunt Flo) showed up on Thanksgiving, I was sad (it had been 7 months and 8 cycles of trying at that point), and was beginning to suspect something might be wrong. Everyone was telling me that I just needed to relax and stop thinking about it (right).***Side Note: you should check out the blog, "Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies." It put a lot of things into perspective for me...***

SO I stopped temping and just tried to think about other things. This proved to be hard during the holidays for a few reasons. First, do we really have power over the thoughts that biology drives? Second, being around family makes me want one of my own even more! And third, I found out that two of my oldest and dearest friends were beginning their quest to be mothers also. Now, this third reason made me think even more about motherhood because I had this tiny, nagging fear that they would both be pregnant sooner than I. Not that I felt in competition with them, or that I wouldn't be ELATED for them, but that I knew it would be hard to see them attain what I had been working for for awhile!

We tried again in December and January with no success, and I FINALLY made the decision to talk to my OB/GYN about it. I scheduled an appointment for February. I was very excited, because I knew that it would be the first step to getting fertility help. I was, in a way, turning over the control to the doctors. I was frustrated with "nature," as I felt it had let me down! The OB said that standard protocol was for the male to be tested first (I already knew this, as I am an avid internet researcher!). M was thrilled (not!), but was SUCH a good sport. This was the month I found out that old, dear friend #1 was 3 months pregnant.

After M's test came back within the "normal range," the doc ordered a Hysterosalpingogram for me. This took place in early March 2009. It was a bit painful, but really cool to see my uterus and fallopian tubes on the screen! Especially because the test came back normal, which means that my tubes and uterus are open! So...we continue our Baby dancing...

When we failed in March to become pregnant (which was disappointing because I had this theory that since my mom became preggers after her HSG that I would too), the doctor prescribed my first round of Clomid...a.k.a. crazy pills. I was to start them at the beginning of April (right around Easter). This is when I found out old, dear friend #2 was very newly pregnant. The phrase "mixed feelings," doesn't do it justice.

The remaining months went as follows:
April 2009: 1st round of Clomid, 50 mg. Failed.
May 2009: 2nd round of Clomid, 150 mg. Failed. DIDN'T OVULATE!!
June 2009: 1st appt with RE.
*I was thrilled to be seeing the RE! In my consult, the doctor told me that based on the testing and history we had, our course of treatment would be IUI (intrauterine insemination), accompanied by another round of Clomid at 50mg. He then took me in for an ultrasound. It was so cool to see my insides on the screen until...he found a bunch of HUMONGOUS cysts on my ovaries! I was totally freaking out! He said that it was caused by a high dosage of Clomid, which overstimulated my ovaries and turned them into grapefruits. This changed the plan of treatment, as he said that we'd have to wait a month for the cysts to dissipate. He also recommended that we don't "baby dance," in the next few weeks, as there is a possibility that the cysts will develop follicles that will then release eggs....which means I'd be OCTO MOM! No way, Jose! Not for me!

So the plan is to wait through June and begin the IUIs in July. Woo-Hoo!