Infertility's Ups and Downs.

SO...I survived the weekend! Actually, overall, it went better than I thought it would, which is not say that it wasn't extremely hard, but I think I did okay (not great). I got pretty sad and emotional on Friday night for A's birthday. I was fine until I saw the two pregfriends hug and then compare bellies. Ouch. It felt like they were in this exclusive club that I keep requesting membership to, but am continually turned down. I guess what is so hard about it is that I have wanted to be pregnant for as long as I can remember (I'm not joking here), and I'm watching my friends living my dream without me. I felt that A really wanted to swap stories with M about baby's development and things she is experiencing, etc. that she can't necessarily share with me because I haven't been there and I don't have any idea what it's like to be pregnant. I so wanted to be in that club with them.

Having said that, A was amazing to me. She is a true blue friend, and I am so lucky to know her. Even though she hasn't been in my shoes, she is so sensitive to my feelings and I know that she comes from a place of compassion and love. Surprisingly, the baby shower was way easier to handle than the dinner! It was fun, and I even got to feel some baby kicks. SO exciting (such a fascinating feeling), and a nice bonding moment for me and A.

I've been thinking so much about IF lately..

Our infertility is nobody's fault. I don't blame anyone for the hand we've been dealt. I understand that the pain I have felt from this is so minor compared to the suffering in this world. Reading the many IF blogs and the tragedies women have been faced with is a humbling experience, and I know that somehow this journey is meant to strengthen us individually and in our marriage, and give us perspective on the sanctity of the life we WILL someday create. Patience and hope are not lost!

Hmmm...wow.

Me (to pregfriend): "Wow, your pregnancy has gone by so fast! I can't believe you are already 71/2 months!!!"

Pregfriend: "Really? To me it has seemed so long. I mean, when the baby is born it will be almost a year that we started trying."

Me: Speechless

2ww: Day 7 (and pregnant bellies)...

I am halfway through my 2ww! Next Friday is my beta, and I am going to exercise will power to NOT take a HPT. I have zero early pregnancy symptoms (not that I expected much by now!), and have been feeling great.

Tonight is A's 30th birthday dinner. Yay! We have been friends since second grade, and I seriously cannot believe we are already 30 (well, I'm ALMOST 30). She is 5 months pregnant, and I haven't seen her bump yet. I am so excited, and I hope I don't get emotional. Other pregnant friend M will be there tonight, and her baby shower is tomorrow. Should be an interesting weekend..!

Praying for strength and unselfish thoughts (you know what I mean?) to get me through this weekend.

Poor Squirrely.

The other night, M and I came across something very strange (and gross) looking on the kitchen floor. We had no idea what it was, but suspected that Charlie or Lola had left us a "gift." So M got down on all fours and sniffed it, as I ran for a paper towel to scoop it up. We held it close, carefully examining it, and speculated that it looked like some sort of cocoon.


All of a sudden, the lightbulb came on! I ran over to Charlie's toy box....and low and behold......I found Squirrely...WITH AN AMPUTATED ARM! Oh man, M and I got a good laugh from this. I was hysterical that we were so afraid of this unknown item, even scooping it up with a paper towel - afraid to touch it - only to have it turn up as poor Squirrely's arm!

Charlie, you never cease to entertain us!

Nice weekend.

We had a great weekend here at home. No barbecues, no parties, just M and me relaxing at home and enjoying each other's company. It was nice to stay here after traveling two weekends in a row.

We were actually quite productive! On Saturday morning we stopped at a local nursery and got inspired to "remodel" Charlie's "bathroom" (a.k.a. our side yard). We had this really awful white rock that not only hurt his paws (it was sharp!), but also was not conducive to easily picking up his treasures. So we replaced it with small, round pebbles (gravel). Saturday afternoon was spent shoveling up the white rock, and then today we put down weed block and spread out the gravel. I think it is a BIG improvement from what we had! Charlie seems a little iffy, but I know he'll adjust.

Charlie, checking out his new digs!

Also this weekend, we bought a new bedroom set! This includes a bed frame, two nightstands and a dresser. Unfortunately, it won't be delivered until August 6, but I really want to paint our bedroom, so this will give me time to get that done.

In other news, I have a tomato growing in my garden! This is the first time I've ever planted tomatoes, so you can imagine my excitement that it's actually working! Yay! I can't wait to eat it!

Can you see it? Isn't it so cute?!

The wait begins.

Our first IUI was a success (so far!). Last night's injection went well, despite the copious amounts of stress accompanying it. We were at the IL's house for FIL's birthday, and I just couldn't relax! M was a pro and I was a wimp..but I survived, and it has served its purpose. It turns out that we have had (as the NP put it) an "optimal" cycle, so of course I am extremely hopeful that we will achieve pregnancy. The IUI itself was quick and relatively painless (I am NOT a fan of the speculum), and we were out of there in less than an hour.

I'm taking it easy today. It's nice to have an excuse to be a lazy bum! Tomorrow I start the progesterone. Oh fun.

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Today, I am grateful for..

My amazing husband, life partner, and best friend.
Increased odds.
Air Conditioning.
Trash television.
My awesome, supportive, caring family.

On the Eve of...

I have been busying myself with many different household projects today in preparation for my "day of rest" tomorrow. I got super crafty this afternoon (a project for a friend), mopped, swept, cleaned mirrors, and rearranged decor. Of course, this was part of my feeble attempt to take my mind off of the IUI. It didn't work very well!

So..I didn't get a surge yesterday or today on my OPK, so we will proceed with the HCG trigger tonight. I have some anxiety about this, as I am squeamish with needles when professionals use them, let alone MY HUSBAND. I asked my mom of she could come and do it (she is a nurse), but she's two hours away and laughed at the suggestion. Who can blame her?!

My appointment is tomorrow at 11:45. I'll update in the afternoon. Yikes!