More Good News.

I had my two-week follow up exam with my RE today. They drew blood for my TENTH beta to see if my level is still decreasing. While we waited for the results, M and I got a chance to have a really informative Q&A session with the doc. We asked a lot of questions about ectopic pregnancies, our risks for the future, and some of the causes for them. He was super sweet and answered all of our questions with ease and clarity. I totally dig him, and feel good about the level of care we are receiving. We knew we'd be in good hands when we started with him because of the excellent reputation of this particular clinic, but also because he's been on Oprah!!!!

After all the "biology and anatomy" talk, we asked him the biggest and foremost question on our minds: When, exactly, will we be able to try again? He told us that because the methotrexate completely strips the body of folic acid, we have to get my body back in shape in order to produce a baby! The risks of neural tube defects are way too great when you don't have enough folic acid. Since we are still waiting for my level to get to zero, I can't take my prenatals or eat green leafy veggies, so I won't be able to start the 3-month count until it gets to zero. I'm thinking November-ish.

By November, my good friend A will be on the cusp of giving birth, my other friend M will have a 2.5 month old, and I'll be 30.

The nurse called with my results around 3:30. The beta has decreased again to 95. This makes me so happy! The best part, though, is that the doc said I can have a glass of wine tonight....but he warned me not to drink the whole bottle. I think I can handle that!

4 days!

I am on the tail end of my Methotrexate! This coming Saturday marks two weeks, and I'm planning on doing it up big. I haven't had any leafy, green veggies or wine, and I'm starting to go a little crazy. Not. Kidding. Especially since yesterday was our 2 year anniversary and we had sushi to celebrate. Sushi without wine or sake is just not the same. It's extremely hard to not eat salad, I am a lover of all things green!

The good news is (and yes, there is always a silver lining) that I received a call from the RE's office on Saturday afternoon after my beta. They reported that my 415 went down to 287 in a 3 days. Yay! That means I (probably) wont have to go in for another shot, as this one seems to be working to resolve my ectopic.

I'm having mixed emotions about not being able to try for the next few cycles. On one hand, I am sad and anxious (and impatient!), and REALLY want to get pregnant in 2009. Every month that passes decreases the chances for that happening....Of course, as my mother points out, we DID get pregnant in 2009, but I was kind of hoping more for the kind of pregnancy that actually yields A BABY. On the other hand, I'm grateful for a little break from planning and obsessing. So far, it has been nice to be focusing my attention on other things in my life. Not thinking about it has made me a little bit more healthy in the head, and my body will be happy to be drug and hormone free for a few months!

On Sunday, M and I took fur baby Charlie for a hike to a lake nearby. Here's a pic of me and my baby:

I have a gray hair!

Goodness gracious..I know I've been through some stress lately, but am I really at the verge of "going gray"? The big 3-0 is looming, and I certainly don't need gray hair to help me make the transition to my fourth decade.

It might be hard for you to see...I had to get a second opinion from M last night to make sure it wasn't all in my head (pun intended!). In this pic it's on the right side of the picture.

Gratitude and my amazing friend.

Today, I am grateful for...

1. Recognition for my blog (yay!)
2. A nice lunch with my Aunt and Uncle (who live in a city far, far, away)
3. My hard working, diligent husband
4. Backyard play time with the pooch.
5. My mind being put at ease about ectopic rupture.
6. All my new creations.

And last, but not least..........

My fabulous friend E sent me a care package today. She packed it full of so many goodies! Books, candy, jewelry, and (best of all) a heartfelt note of sympathy and encouragement. She literally made my MONTH. I was so overwhelmed by this sweet gesture and I'm honored to be her friend. Thank you, E. Today I am most grateful for our friendship.

My first award.

I'd like to start by saying how amazing this community has been to me over the past few months since I started blogging. Tapping into this network of strong, courageous, honest, REAL women who write so beautifully about their lives has inspired and challenged me to find the good in my own experiences. I so lucky to have found all of you, and I'm honored to be web friends with you!

Having said that, I got my first award!

Melissa just bestowed this honor upon me, and I am absolutely thrilled. The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award. I'm cheating and posting my top eight (I had a few more, but they've already been awarded by other people!!!!).

A huge "thank you" to Melissa, and of course to these lovely ladies who keep me entertained (and inspired!) every day:
1. You Call Me a Bitch like it's a Bad Thing
2. No One Ever Told Me it Would Be This Hard
3. Our Stork Isn't Great with Directions
4. Baby, Interrupted
5. Babies Everywhere...But none that Call me Mama
6. Scarlet Baby
7. We're Expecting!

Congrats and thanks so much ladies, you are all so wonderful and I wish nothing but the best for all of you!!!

I'm leaving Facebook.

I seriously cannot handle this.

I check FB every one in awhile to see what's happening with my friends. I think I told you that recently I had two pregnancy announcements on there that put a sour taste in my mouth and got me thinking about a FB divorce.

Today is the deciding factor.

My college roommate (who has 3 beautiful children and has been easily reproducing since we graduated) just posted an ultrasound pic of her TWINS. No, these are not A.R.T. twins, these are "oops, I'm so fertile that I released two eggs on my own" twins (Or, my extremely fertile egg split in two). She only wanted one more, and she is getting two. I just want one, and I can't seem to get any!

One of the other friends who recently announced her pregnancy is now complaining she can't be as active as she was before. She has two other children. Another friend is trying to get her friends to review different baby products and get advice through her FB posts. This will be her second child.

Oh, the injustice, as I sit here healing from my first nonviable pregnancy.

I needed this rant. Thanks for listening.

Diagnosis: Ectopic.

So.

I had my D&C on Friday, and all went well considering the anesthesia and pain meds made me unaware of most of it! Thankfully M's family helped us a lot with meals, etc. They were real life savers.

I got the call Friday afternoon that pathology had not found any pregnancy tissue in my uterus.

I went in Saturday morning for my methotrexate injections. They were not bad - barely hurt at all - and I haven't (so far) had any adverse side effects or reactions. I will continue to be monitored this week to make sure that the hCG levels decrease. Oh goody. More needles. My arms are already so bruised from being poked every 48 hours!

The worst part of the hCG is that I can't have any alcohol or leafy greens (because they contain folic acid). FOR TWO WEEKS. We went to IN-N-OUT last night for dinner and I had to ask for no lettuce on my hamburger!! WTF?! And seriously, I can give up wine if I'm pregnant, but not if I'm NOT pregnant! This is the time I need it the most!