Thursday!

Thursdays bring hope. They, to me, are the beginning of my weekend mindset. This is not to say that I am "checked out" at work on Fridays. Only that I have an extra spring in my step that signifies my joy that the weekend has arrived at last. I LOVE Friday. It is simply the best day of the week!

That being said...Today I am grateful for:

1. Parents of students who acknowledge my hard work. They inspire me to be my best!
2. Colleagues who keep me sane throughout the day.
3. My dog - he is so innocent, loving, and easy to please...and he doesn't talk back!
4. Rain, thunder, and lightning. Without it, the heat would be unbearable.
5. My husband and the delicious dinner he prepared tonight.
6. Long conversations with my bestest friend in the world.
7. New tomatoes and herbs growing in my garden.
8. AF. Now WHEN have I ever been happy to see her???
9. Hope.

But I want a baby...now!!

Sir Charles the First (my baby!!)

I never thought my journey would be such a long, emotionally draining process just to become pregnant. I always thought the hard part was supposed to be once you HAD the baby!

Before I get to the story of the human baby, I MUST mention my second "Fur Baby" Charlie! He is a black Labrador Retriever. We adopted Charlie very shortly after we bought our house, and he has been nothing but joy and entertainment since. He is adored by all, but most of all his doting parents who spoil him to pieces!

So..after trying "naturally" (meaning I didn't use anything to help detect ovulation and I hadn't really done much research) for 3 months, I decided to start taking my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) in August 2008. I had read that this was a useful tool in confirming ovulation and learning the patterns of one's cycle. So I went to WalMart and bought the BBT thermometer, which measures to the hundredth degree, so as to get a more accurate reading. I created an account on ferti.lityfr.iend.com, and began the daily process of recording waking temps and other fertility signs.

I temped from August until November (4 months). Each time, I confirmed ovulation, and had very regular cycles. When AF (Aunt Flo) showed up on Thanksgiving, I was sad (it had been 7 months and 8 cycles of trying at that point), and was beginning to suspect something might be wrong. Everyone was telling me that I just needed to relax and stop thinking about it (right).***Side Note: you should check out the blog, "Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies." It put a lot of things into perspective for me...***

SO I stopped temping and just tried to think about other things. This proved to be hard during the holidays for a few reasons. First, do we really have power over the thoughts that biology drives? Second, being around family makes me want one of my own even more! And third, I found out that two of my oldest and dearest friends were beginning their quest to be mothers also. Now, this third reason made me think even more about motherhood because I had this tiny, nagging fear that they would both be pregnant sooner than I. Not that I felt in competition with them, or that I wouldn't be ELATED for them, but that I knew it would be hard to see them attain what I had been working for for awhile!

We tried again in December and January with no success, and I FINALLY made the decision to talk to my OB/GYN about it. I scheduled an appointment for February. I was very excited, because I knew that it would be the first step to getting fertility help. I was, in a way, turning over the control to the doctors. I was frustrated with "nature," as I felt it had let me down! The OB said that standard protocol was for the male to be tested first (I already knew this, as I am an avid internet researcher!). M was thrilled (not!), but was SUCH a good sport. This was the month I found out that old, dear friend #1 was 3 months pregnant.

After M's test came back within the "normal range," the doc ordered a Hysterosalpingogram for me. This took place in early March 2009. It was a bit painful, but really cool to see my uterus and fallopian tubes on the screen! Especially because the test came back normal, which means that my tubes and uterus are open! So...we continue our Baby dancing...

When we failed in March to become pregnant (which was disappointing because I had this theory that since my mom became preggers after her HSG that I would too), the doctor prescribed my first round of Clomid...a.k.a. crazy pills. I was to start them at the beginning of April (right around Easter). This is when I found out old, dear friend #2 was very newly pregnant. The phrase "mixed feelings," doesn't do it justice.

The remaining months went as follows:
April 2009: 1st round of Clomid, 50 mg. Failed.
May 2009: 2nd round of Clomid, 150 mg. Failed. DIDN'T OVULATE!!
June 2009: 1st appt with RE.
*I was thrilled to be seeing the RE! In my consult, the doctor told me that based on the testing and history we had, our course of treatment would be IUI (intrauterine insemination), accompanied by another round of Clomid at 50mg. He then took me in for an ultrasound. It was so cool to see my insides on the screen until...he found a bunch of HUMONGOUS cysts on my ovaries! I was totally freaking out! He said that it was caused by a high dosage of Clomid, which overstimulated my ovaries and turned them into grapefruits. This changed the plan of treatment, as he said that we'd have to wait a month for the cysts to dissipate. He also recommended that we don't "baby dance," in the next few weeks, as there is a possibility that the cysts will develop follicles that will then release eggs....which means I'd be OCTO MOM! No way, Jose! Not for me!

So the plan is to wait through June and begin the IUIs in July. Woo-Hoo!

Okay..and now for the history...of us!

Christmas 2008 with Charlie

Christmas 2007 with Lola

Wedding Day, August 2007

Engagement

M (my dear husband of almost 2 years!) met 4 years ago on Match.com. We dated for a year and half before becoming engaged, and were married 8 months after that. Our wedding was beautiful. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day surrounded by everyone I love and cherish!

At the time, we were living in a comfortable 2-bedroom apartment. We used the extra room as an office/guest room, and it worked pretty well as a temporary living situation! We have always had a goal of buying a house and starting a family...when we got married, it was agreed upon that we would wait a year and then start trying.

In the meantime....I couldn't resist my urge to nurture, so we adopted out first "fur baby" Lola. She is a black cat (some say she is dark brown) who brought (and brings!) us much joy and entertainment. Watching M with her used to melt my heart - it was my first glimpse into his nurturing side. So sweet.

Approximately 5 months into our marriage, during a trip to visit M's parents' house (about 8 hours driving time from us) we decided to start looking around at some of the houses. After a bit of investigative work into our current housing market, we were curious to compare the two. Boy, were we pleasantly surprised! It was a bit shocking (and exciting!) to us that we could potentially afford a real house with backyard, etc. in the new city. This would never have been possible where we were.

So...we started some serious looking into a house within out budget. After we spoke with a few lenders and found what we could be approved for, we hired a realtor and began the tedious process of house hunting! It took some time (6 months) and many trips back and forth, but on Memorial Day we finally found the house of our dreams! We made our offer, went through a few negotiations, and were finally home owners!

May was the month we made the "commitment to parenthood." And so the fun began...!

June, 2008 was a hectic month as I packed up my entire classroom AND our entire apartment. More difficult to coordinate for the move was all the various furniture M's family was giving us! We had a few different pickup locations for the movers...but boy were we ever grateful to have furniture to fill out house! We are so thankful to have loyal friends and family, especially our "surrogate parents" Bruce and Bea, who made our move logistically and emotionally possible. What a blessing. This was a very exciting time for us as a couple. Lola was not as enthusiastic!

Okay..I'm exhausted after that! The fertility story begins next....

My first post...a gratitude day.

Today, I am grateful for...

Patience with my students and the small joys we experience together.
A beautiful backyard.
Warm sunshine.
My adoring puppy - his innocence and unquestioning devotion.
M and everything he does.
My new blog!