Plans.

It's striking to me that although I make plans for a living (literally!), I've had to rearrange plans in my personal life for over a year now. We have a bedroom upstairs that I planned to be baby's room since the day we made the offer on our house. Well, actually, that's not exactly true. I wanted it to be the other upstairs room that M wanted for his office. He won...and it's a good thing, since there's no baby to occupy that room now - and we've been in our house for a year! But it's there, and it's not holding anthing I planned it to!

It used to be that I would hold off on buying regular clothes because I thought that I'd be needing maternity clothes in the near future. It was always in the back of my mind. I have given up on that plan for awhile!

I went in that room the other day. We have a queen bed in there that is used when we have more that one couple visiting (there's a real guest room downstairs). Also in there is everything I've collected for baby since we began TTC. It's not much, but when I think about how long it's been sitting there, I get a little sad. Last May, my SIL gave us her kids' baby furniture (crib and bassinet), so it's in there, disassembled and pathetic looking. In addition, last June my brother went to Paris and brought us back a onesie that says Paris on it. I had told him not long before that we were starting to try, and it was such a sweet gesture for him to think of us as parents while he was there. I remember the elation of seeing how small and sweet-looking it is, and thinking, "I'm going to be a mom!" Of course, I thought it would be much sooner than now.

I keep that door closed. While we are busy planning for the rest of the house..."What color to paint the bedroom? The office? How much would new floors cost? Should we extend our backyard patio?"..We haven't had one discussion about what to do with that room. In my head, I've pictured different decorations and colors (and of course every time I'm in a store I take small detours to the infant section), but it's never been something we actually plan to do until we see those two glorious pink lines. I think it's better this way. Even just going in there and seeing the few items we have is a hard reminder...so we'll celebrate when we know it's real and happening for us. Until then, we'll just keep making other plans.