Slacker

Hello friends! My apologies about being a SLACKER blogger lately. I've been enjoying catching up on my reading though, and have a few updates of my own.

It's been a really nice break from TTC. M and I have been doing a lot lately; family visits, baby showers, retirement parties, work, and enjoying the new Fall weather has really helped to keep our minds off of being childless (and infertile!).

In the past two weeks our family has had some devastating news. One of my grandmothers was diagnosed with terminal cancer of five different organs. She is managing her pain and nausea at home with hospice nurses, but knows that the end is imminent. It is so heartbreaking to know that there's nothing we can do except tell her how much we love her and to make her as comfortable as possible. It's so unfair that a woman who took such good care of herself her entire life (she's in her eighties now) and whose mind is sharp as a tack is left with this in her final days. But I guess we all know about the unfairness of life.

In addition to this sadness, another grandmother passed on a week and a half ago. She was ill for a long time, and thankfully I had many opportunities to say my goodbyes and give her love and kisses. It is still so sad though. No matter how prepared you might think you are to let someone go, there is nothing like the finality of death - knowing you will never see that person in this lifetime again - to make you weep. I am currently working on putting together a photo slideshow of her life for the memorial on Oct. 17th. What has been especially bittersweet for me while working on this project is reflecting back on how many memories I have with this very special woman. I had (almost exactly) 30 awesome years with her, and I desperately want my children to know their grandparents the same way. Every month that passes without a pregnancy reminds me of the time we are losing. This is the hardest part of IF in my opinion.

In better news, I am turning 30. TOMORROW. Yikes! Unfortunately, a cold virus has invaded my sinuses and lungs, so right now my celebration is limited to some valuable time with my neti pot and some hot tea. The ILs are cooking up a dinner for me tonight, and I suspect M might have something up his sleeve for tomorrow, but other than that it is a LOW KEY b-day. So glad for that!