The latest

35w4d

My goodness, where to begin? I feel like I have so much to say, and can't organize my thoughts. I have been an extremely bad blogger lately for a variety of reasons. This pregnancy is literally kicking my butt, and I didn't want this blog to turn into a forum for all my complaints. I'm a little bit over that now, as I feel I should be honest with myself and the world that it isn't all sunshine and roses for everyone!

Back when I was TTCing and undergoing treatments, I never dreamt that I'd someday be here, almost 36 weeks pregnant and actually wishing I wasn't pregnant anymore! It's an awful feeling after everything I've been through to get here, and all the years of longing for a baby inside of me. There are aspects of being pregnant that I love: feeling him move, bonding with him, reading and singing to him, watching him grow, knowing he's thriving, and dreaming of the day I meet him. Obviously, though, there are things about being pregnant that I can live without. I need to remind myself DAILY that this is sooooo temporary, that it WILL end soon, that I need to be more appreciative of this time, that it will become a distant memory...(so many people tell me that there's an amnesia we get after giving birth about all the icky pregnancy stuff that allows us to want to become pregnant again!), AND that the reason I am doing this is because for the rest of my life I will get the privilege of being this little boy's mommy -- a gift that compares with nothing, and a love that isn't matched.

I'm bulleting the last month because there's just too much:

• The painful contractions have subsided, meaning I don't have to rely on the terbutaline to keep me sane. I do, however, continue to have frequent BH contractions.
• Our family and friends threw us an amazing couples' baby shower and we had a blast seeing everyone all together!
  
• M and I have attended 2 out of our three classes: the all-day childbirth class, which was EXCELLENT (I learned so much about the actual labor process and what to expect from our hospital); and the breastfeeding class, which helped calm some of my anxieties. This Thursday we will go to Newborn Care class to finish up the series.
  
• Starting at 32 weeks I developed a pinched nerve right next to my belly button that caused excruciating pain when I stood up or walked around. It lasted until 34.5 weeks, although my doc had said that could very well be painful throughout the rest of my pregnant days. This was awful for me, since the only way I could get relief was to sit or lie down to take the pressure from the weight of Elfie off my belly button. I was banished to the couch and could really only get up to go to the bathroom before it got too painful. SO GLAD that it's gone now...knock on wood! Oh yes, at one point it was so bad that my friend was visiting from out-of-town and she took me to Wal.Mart and pushed me around in a wheelchair just so I could get some shopping done! Talk about humiliating (and hilarious all at the same time!).
  
• My pelvis feels like it's being ripped apart.
• Elfie's room is totally complete, and I promise I'll post some pics soon. It's my happy place :) I even have all his 0-3 month clothes washed and ready.
  
• I'm not getting enough sleep (yes, I know that this is preparation for what's to come!) because my hips ache and Elfie either throws a dance party or has long-lasting hiccups in the middle of the night. Every. Night.
• I am experiencing horrible pain and pressure right on the top of my pelvis from the weight of this kid. It's constant, and makes walking very difficult. It sort of feels like any muscles right there are being torn on a daily basis.
• I can't breathe and become winded and sweaty even just sitting on the couch talking on the phone in my air-conditioned house.
• We have our hospital bag packed. Yowza. I think this might just be real.
  
• I can no longer shave my legs. It's embarrassing how disgusting I'm sure they are, and the same goes for my feet. I need a pedicure just to clip my toenails...which grow at the rate of the weeds in my backyard that I can't bend over to pick.
• Getting dressed is a CHORE, and NOTHING fits anymore, so I do laundry every other day for the 5 items I can still wear. I'll be damned if I'm buying anything new now!
• And while we're on the subject of clothes, none of my bras fit.....what's a girl to do?! Everyone tells me to wait until he's born to buy nursing bras since the girls are going to explode once again...does anyone have insight into this? Opinions?

Okay, so I know that this did end up sounding complain-y. But it feels good to get it all out there! Thanks for enduring it all!