The Ve.ry Hun.gry Caterp.illar

Warning: Some of you may find this to be TMI...but I'd like to share my experience in the hopes of educating and informing those who are planning to bf their kiddos. Of course, I realize everyone is different, but I think information is power! If you don't like words like "breast" or "nipple", your reading should stop here!

Okay. So here goes.

I did as much as humanly possible to prepare myself for breastfeeding. I read two books on the subject, interviewed all my mommy friends who bf'ed, and took the class offered by my hospital. M and I had many conversations about what kind of sacrifice it would be, but really it was never a question or a decision for us. As far back as I can remember, I knew I would breastfeed my children.

Many of my friends had success nursing their babes using nipple shields. I was, of course, intrigued by this because a few had told me they helped reduce the pain (i.e. cracked/blistered/bleeding nipples) associated with the first few weeks with the baby. Also, one of the books I read indicated, by way of diagrams and pictures, that I might be a good candidate for nipple shields due to the size and shape of my nipples. So I bought a nipple shield prior to giving birth. I tossed it in the diaper bag without even opening it, thinking I'd have it just in case.

As luck would have it, I delivered Zachary on a Saturday morning. At my out-of-date hospital, there aren't any lactation consultants staffed on weekends. Oh joy. So once the nurses brought me my little bundle my first request was to feed him. The post-partum nurse I had that day took one look at my nipples and said (in a less-than-enthusiastic voice), "Oooh." At first I was confused, but soon realized she was referring to my nipples. I suggested to her that I had a shield in my bag. She perked up and had me get it out. So here I am, thinking, "Problem solved!" Unfortunately, I DID have the cracked, bleeding nipples in the first two weeks anyway. Go figure. But my little Zachary sucked on that shield like a champ for 5 weeks and 5 days.

Until I started listening to my gut. Call it mother's intuition.

You see, my first clue was at his one-month pediatrician appointment. Z gained 13 ounces in 21 days (at one week he weighed 8 lbs 15 oz and exactly three weeks later he was a mere 9lbs 12 oz). When I saw the number on the scale, my heart sank and I almost started crying! Everything I'd read told me that on average babies gain an ounce a day. So of course, Zachary was waaaay behind. The wait between the scale and the doctor that day was excruciating! Thankfully, I had my mom with me to help me rationalize and calm down. When the doc came in, he stated that he was happy with Zachary's weight. When he saw the look of concern on my face, he showed me a graph demonstrating that Z had gained a pound and 6 ounces from his hospital weight in that month. Turns out, the doc was looking at the bigger picture. So I went with it.

My second clue was a daily struggle to feed the poor baby to his satisfaction. Every time I fed him he was STILL HUNGRY after finishing, and he wanted to nurse every 1.5-2 hours throughout the day. In addition, he was still waking up every 2-3 hours at night. I was literally a cow. Moo. All I did, all day long, was feed the baby. And he was STILL HUNGRY (and it wasn't cute like the Hungry Caterpillar either!).

Thirdly, I had two instances of blocked milk ducts. This, if you haven't experienced it, is extremely painful, and each time I went without sleep as I tried everything under the sun to clear them out. So...

I started googling, and read a few things that said that nipple shields can decrease your milk supply..or, rather, cause you to not stimulate enough supply. This, of course, being because the baby is sucking on the nipple and not the breast, which is what stimulates more milk. In addition, if the baby isn't able to drain the breasts in each feeding, the ducts become clogged, thus increasing the risk of mastitis. I started getting worried. I was convinced I needed to ditch the shields, but was scared as hell to do it on my own, and I didn't even know how to get a proper latch (as I was never shown how to do it!)...

...so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I called a lactation consultant who runs her own business here in town. She had been recommended to me by a few moms I met at a new mom support group I attended at my hospital. This, as it turns out, is the best decision I HAVE EVER MADE.

I went in for my first consult on Wednesday, September 29. This was exactly a week after Z's one month appointment. The first thing she did was weigh him....and he showed up at 10 pounds. This was only up 4 ounces in 7 days! AAACK!! After a brief discussion about the shields, how I came to use them, etc., she looked at my nipples and told me there is no reason I should have to use a shield. She took ahold of Z, put him to my breast, and he latched on like a pro. And it didn't hurt! She told me that we needed to do some catch-up - and it would take some work on my part - but that it was possible for us both to learn this new way of feeding.

I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

The lactation consultant's recommendation to me (in order to get my supply to where it needs to be) was to rent a hospital-grade electric double breast pump. I was to pump 7 times a day after feeding Z without the shield. This would ensure my breasts were emptied each time and encourage more milk to be made. I was to feed everything I pumped back to Z within 24 hours...so I was basically feeding him at the breast, then pumping, then bottle-feeding him what was left (to "top him off"). What an ingenious plan!

Since then, Zachary has been steadily gaining an ounce a day. As of Tuesday, he weighed 10 lbs 13 oz. Now that my supply is increased and I am nursing without the shield, I am weaning myself from the pump (5 times a day and then 3 times a day, until I can be done with it for good!).

The best advice I can give is to listen to your gut. I can't stress enough to new moms that if you are nursing and things just don't seem right, don't ignore your intuition. The best thing I did was to call that consultant. What I left out of this story is the emotional turmoil I went through to get to where I am today. I had a many break-downs and MANY sleepless nights. The worst feeling in the world is not being able to feed your baby properly and not knowing how to fix it. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to drive to WalMart at 2 am to buy some formula and be done with it. This experience has given me a deeper understanding of how and why so many women quit. I think many of our hospitals are doing us a disservice by not training their nurses to teach new moms how to feed their babies!

It really doesn't matter how much preparation you do, it's tenacity and determination that will give you the best shot at establishing and keeping a good breastfeeding relationship with your baby.

Sorry this is so damn long!!!!