Check-Up

37w5d

Today's appointment went well! I am happy to report that I am now 70% effaced and a fingertip dilated...so it looks like there is some movement in the right direction. It's getting harder and harder to wait! My patience is about gone, and my irritability (hormones + no sleep = grumpy Katie) is increasing. Elfie has discovered that he loves to drum on my bladder at night, so I'm definitely spending more time on the toilet than in bed. Oh well. I guess I'd better get used to the lack of sleep...it's only going to get worse!

We go back next Monday for an ultrasound to see how big our guy is getting. If I don't begin labor before then, I am really looking forward to seeing his growth one last time!

Belly Up

I have been lazy about uploading the belly pics, so I apologize for three in one, but I just want to get them up for posterity!

This I just couldn't resist...it's just a few houses down from ours and was taken at 34w1d:


M took this one last night at 37w2d:


My belly has recently become extremely itchy, and I'm not real sure how much more stretching it can take!

37!

37 weeks! Elfie is FULL TERM!!!!

Okay, little man...all those months of pep-talks about staying nice and snug inside mommy are over! I now invite (beg, plead, pray for) you to join us on the outside. I know you like it in there; I would to! I promise, though, that there are so many people who will love you, snuggle you, tickle you, read to you, teach you, and give you a wonderful life out here...it's time now for you to meet them.

Daddy and I are counting the days until we can hold you in our arms and stare at your gorgeous face! Big Sis Lola and Big Bro Charlie can't wait to give you wet kisses all over. You're going to love them!

So..anytime you are ready, we're here with open arms and hearts. Love you, munchkin!

3 years

M and I celebrated our 3-year anniversary today. Shortly after we were married, we hit the challenge of conceiving, and weathered 20 months of heartbreak. We survived stronger than ever, and today are counting the days until our miracle arrives. God is good!

I am the most blessed woman to be married to this wonderful man. He has cared for me in our times of sorrow and joy, and continues to inspire me to be a better wife and friend. I couldn't be happier that this year I can give him the gift of fatherhood. If anyone deserves it most, he's the guy.

Love you Bubba!

Details

36w4d

Had my 36-week check-up this morning. Dr. D checked me and found that I am 60% effaced, but no dilation yet. I am just so glad to hear that we have some progress and my cervix isn't going to hold out like Fort Knox (knock on wood!). Elfie's head is low, but not engaged in the pelvis yet. I'm just hoping he stays head down! BH contractions are also definitely increasing in frequency and intensity. Yay!

My energy level seems to have increased in the past few days...but maybe it's because I have a new determination to get the house clean and be as physically active as I can! I mowed the lawn yesterday, and surprisingly did just fine with it. I thought it would wipe me out, but I felt great the rest of the day! This is such a wonderful feeling...maybe I truly CAN enjoy my pregnancy for these last final weeks!!!

The latest

35w4d

My goodness, where to begin? I feel like I have so much to say, and can't organize my thoughts. I have been an extremely bad blogger lately for a variety of reasons. This pregnancy is literally kicking my butt, and I didn't want this blog to turn into a forum for all my complaints. I'm a little bit over that now, as I feel I should be honest with myself and the world that it isn't all sunshine and roses for everyone!

Back when I was TTCing and undergoing treatments, I never dreamt that I'd someday be here, almost 36 weeks pregnant and actually wishing I wasn't pregnant anymore! It's an awful feeling after everything I've been through to get here, and all the years of longing for a baby inside of me. There are aspects of being pregnant that I love: feeling him move, bonding with him, reading and singing to him, watching him grow, knowing he's thriving, and dreaming of the day I meet him. Obviously, though, there are things about being pregnant that I can live without. I need to remind myself DAILY that this is sooooo temporary, that it WILL end soon, that I need to be more appreciative of this time, that it will become a distant memory...(so many people tell me that there's an amnesia we get after giving birth about all the icky pregnancy stuff that allows us to want to become pregnant again!), AND that the reason I am doing this is because for the rest of my life I will get the privilege of being this little boy's mommy -- a gift that compares with nothing, and a love that isn't matched.

I'm bulleting the last month because there's just too much:

• The painful contractions have subsided, meaning I don't have to rely on the terbutaline to keep me sane. I do, however, continue to have frequent BH contractions.
• Our family and friends threw us an amazing couples' baby shower and we had a blast seeing everyone all together!
  
• M and I have attended 2 out of our three classes: the all-day childbirth class, which was EXCELLENT (I learned so much about the actual labor process and what to expect from our hospital); and the breastfeeding class, which helped calm some of my anxieties. This Thursday we will go to Newborn Care class to finish up the series.
  
• Starting at 32 weeks I developed a pinched nerve right next to my belly button that caused excruciating pain when I stood up or walked around. It lasted until 34.5 weeks, although my doc had said that could very well be painful throughout the rest of my pregnant days. This was awful for me, since the only way I could get relief was to sit or lie down to take the pressure from the weight of Elfie off my belly button. I was banished to the couch and could really only get up to go to the bathroom before it got too painful. SO GLAD that it's gone now...knock on wood! Oh yes, at one point it was so bad that my friend was visiting from out-of-town and she took me to Wal.Mart and pushed me around in a wheelchair just so I could get some shopping done! Talk about humiliating (and hilarious all at the same time!).
  
• My pelvis feels like it's being ripped apart.
• Elfie's room is totally complete, and I promise I'll post some pics soon. It's my happy place :) I even have all his 0-3 month clothes washed and ready.
  
• I'm not getting enough sleep (yes, I know that this is preparation for what's to come!) because my hips ache and Elfie either throws a dance party or has long-lasting hiccups in the middle of the night. Every. Night.
• I am experiencing horrible pain and pressure right on the top of my pelvis from the weight of this kid. It's constant, and makes walking very difficult. It sort of feels like any muscles right there are being torn on a daily basis.
• I can't breathe and become winded and sweaty even just sitting on the couch talking on the phone in my air-conditioned house.
• We have our hospital bag packed. Yowza. I think this might just be real.
  
• I can no longer shave my legs. It's embarrassing how disgusting I'm sure they are, and the same goes for my feet. I need a pedicure just to clip my toenails...which grow at the rate of the weeds in my backyard that I can't bend over to pick.
• Getting dressed is a CHORE, and NOTHING fits anymore, so I do laundry every other day for the 5 items I can still wear. I'll be damned if I'm buying anything new now!
• And while we're on the subject of clothes, none of my bras fit.....what's a girl to do?! Everyone tells me to wait until he's born to buy nursing bras since the girls are going to explode once again...does anyone have insight into this? Opinions?

Okay, so I know that this did end up sounding complain-y. But it feels good to get it all out there! Thanks for enduring it all!

A girl can't catch a break.

31w5d

I've been a busy girl lately....and to quote my doctor, "Wow, you seem to be having an exciting pregnancy!"

Yeah. Not so much. "Exciting" is not exactly the word I would use.

8 p.m. on July 4. I decided to call my doc's office because what I thought had been BH contractions all day were occurring frequently and regularly....as in, I was having 6 in an hour and they seemed to be spaced at regular intervals. I was also noticing some slight cramping with each tightening of my belly. The on-call doc said to drink a jug of water (I was probably dehydrated due to the heat), and if they kept coming to report to L&D. In this time I also took a warm bath, as I had read that it, combined with rest, could sooth and eliminate BH.

They indeed kept coming, so M and I waffled back and forth on whether to go to the hospital. It wasn't until about 12am, as I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, that I realized that the pain I was experiencing with each contraction was in my back and lower abdomen (it felt like menstrual cramps). What I also noticed is that the pain would come, and then subside. Alarm bells went off at this time because I knew these were NOT BH!!! We packed a bag and promptly headed out.

We were admitted at 1 am and hooked up to the heartbeat and contraction monitors. Sure enough, I was contracting every 4 minutes, and each one was lasting a minute. As we watched the screen, the intervals eventually went down to 2 minutes apart and my pain was increasing with each one. I was starting to get scared! The nurse gave me a shot of terbutaline to stop the contractions and started an IV. She also did the Fetal Fibronectin test to see if my cervical enzymes indicated the possibility of labor in the next two weeks. The test came back negative (yay!), and since my contractions had stopped, they sent me home...at 5 am.

M and I fell into bed and slept until about 11:30 am that day (Monday the 5th). When I woke up, I could tell I was contracting again, but that they weren't too severe. So I got up and had breakfast, did a few chores, and then decided to lie down and watch TV, since I had been instructed to "take it easy." By about 12:30 they were coming regularly again, so I called the doc's office AGAIN (they were closed for the holiday), and a different on-call doc instructed me to head to the hospital to get another shot of terbutaline. As you might imagine, I was less than thrilled about this..but I knew it was the only way to stop my uterus!

So we went to L&D, got the shot, and they also decided to do a cervical check to make sure I wasn't dilated..and I certainly wasn't prepared for the treat that was:

OH.
MY.
GAWD.

This is the first time in my life any has attempted to stick their entire hand up my lady business. I was SHOCKED at how much it hurt. I was literally scooting up the bed away from the nurse because I thought I might die if she tried to get that hand in any further. And the sucky part (well, actually, it turned out to be a good thing) was that she couldn't even reach my cervix! Apparently this is great news because it indicates that it is still high, tight, and closed. But still. I was not amused with the pain of that incident.

We were sent home with a prescription for the oral form of terbutaline. I am to take it as needed for contractions. It's really a miracle drug, except that it makes my heart race and gives me the jitters...as if I've had 10 cups of coffee...but that's small potatoes compared to the cramping the contractions bring on. So far, I had to take a pill last night at 7 because I was contracting every 6 minutes, and then again at 7:30 this morning when they were coming 8 minutes apart.

Coincidentally, my regular doc's appt was this morning, and I was relieved to be able to see him and get the scoop about what's happening and where we go from here. He told me that the FFN test combined with the position of my cervix tells him I am not experiencing preterm labor, only preterm contractions. He said it's most likely due to the size of Elfie compared to his GA (guess it's really not so cute and funny that he's a big boy). He also said that he does expect me to continue to contract throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. In two weeks I will see him again and get the FFN test to check for labor signs. The doc's goal is 34 weeks, and he said 36 weeks "would be gravy". So I guess I am to expect that Elfie could very likely be arriving quite a bit ahead of schedule...

So. Yeah. Not too "exciting;" rather, "nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing, stressful, and scary" are the words I'd used to describe this.

I had hoped that with all the hell we experienced getting pregnant that I could at least have an uneventful pregnancy. This is just further proof that I am not the one driving the ship here, and that God laughs at the plans I make. But as I ponder the events of the last 10 weeks, I am reminded that nothing really truly worth having in life comes easily. This whole experience has been hard, and I know that motherhood, too, will be difficult.

And I welcome it with open arms. I wouldn't trade this "suffering" for the world. Because in a few short weeks I'll meet my son, and that's what really matters.