Favorites

I am jumping on the the bandwagon! Looks like fun, and as they say...a picture's worth a thousand words!

1. My Favorite Beverage:

2. My Hometown(s):











3. My Favorite TV Show:









4. My Occupation:












5. My First Car:












6. My Favorite Dish:










7. Celebrity I've Been Told I Resemble:













8. My Celebrity Crush:













9. My Favorite Childhood Toys (it's a tie):




10. My Random Image:

Slacker

Hello friends! My apologies about being a SLACKER blogger lately. I've been enjoying catching up on my reading though, and have a few updates of my own.

It's been a really nice break from TTC. M and I have been doing a lot lately; family visits, baby showers, retirement parties, work, and enjoying the new Fall weather has really helped to keep our minds off of being childless (and infertile!).

In the past two weeks our family has had some devastating news. One of my grandmothers was diagnosed with terminal cancer of five different organs. She is managing her pain and nausea at home with hospice nurses, but knows that the end is imminent. It is so heartbreaking to know that there's nothing we can do except tell her how much we love her and to make her as comfortable as possible. It's so unfair that a woman who took such good care of herself her entire life (she's in her eighties now) and whose mind is sharp as a tack is left with this in her final days. But I guess we all know about the unfairness of life.

In addition to this sadness, another grandmother passed on a week and a half ago. She was ill for a long time, and thankfully I had many opportunities to say my goodbyes and give her love and kisses. It is still so sad though. No matter how prepared you might think you are to let someone go, there is nothing like the finality of death - knowing you will never see that person in this lifetime again - to make you weep. I am currently working on putting together a photo slideshow of her life for the memorial on Oct. 17th. What has been especially bittersweet for me while working on this project is reflecting back on how many memories I have with this very special woman. I had (almost exactly) 30 awesome years with her, and I desperately want my children to know their grandparents the same way. Every month that passes without a pregnancy reminds me of the time we are losing. This is the hardest part of IF in my opinion.

In better news, I am turning 30. TOMORROW. Yikes! Unfortunately, a cold virus has invaded my sinuses and lungs, so right now my celebration is limited to some valuable time with my neti pot and some hot tea. The ILs are cooking up a dinner for me tonight, and I suspect M might have something up his sleeve for tomorrow, but other than that it is a LOW KEY b-day. So glad for that!

Couldn't Resist

I have read this on a few of the IF blogs I follow, and I couldn't resist sharing it with my IRL friends, and fellow IF bloggers. I absolutely love this.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I WILL be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

Gratitude and IF

I haven't posted about my gratitude lately, so here goes...

Today I am grateful for...

1. A beautiful day yesterday: nice morning walk with hubby and puppy, productive fun with friend in the afternoon, and libations with ILs in the evening.

2. A month of birthdays! My hubby, mom, dad, and step-dad are all September babies, so it's a month of non-stop fun...(and of course I'm shortly after in October!). Today is Dad's - happy birthday old man!

3. Relaxing at home with movies.

4. The (official) beginning of Fall tomorrow..although our weather has yet to reflect it.

5. My mom's retirement celebration next weekend, and getting to see my brother!

6. Peace and patience.

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And, on the IF front, I had an opportunity to get some really good advice this weekend:

1. Just relax! I did with all of mine, and it worked perfectly!
2. Try to not think about it, and enjoy all your blessings.
3. Don't worry, it'll happen.

If I had a dollar for everytime I heard this...!

Ironically, this advice didn't bother me as much as it has in the past. I think I'm in a much better spot emotionally than I have been in the past 6 months. Maybe it's just that I'm used to it, and have come to expect such comments from people who don't know what it's like to struggle with IF. Recently, M said something to a group of us who were discussing IF that I missed at the time, but my friend repeated to me the other day:

People are doing the best they can with their own knowledge and life experiences.

What I take this to mean is that I shouldn't be so quick to react to what I perceive as fertiles being insensitive to my struggle, when they have no idea or experience with infertility! Honestly, I might have been one to say something like that if I hadn't experienced IF...who knows? Do we ever really step out of our shoes and try to imagine other people's pain in such a way that it's the same as experiencing it? No...We can't possibly. When I stop to think about this, I'm pretty sure there have been times I've made "insensitive" comments about situations I had no experience with.

It's raining pregnancies!

I really have nothing too exciting to post about my own life right now. Just working and counting the days until AF #2...at which point I will start counting the days until AF #3! I have definitely been keeping up with my reading, and am all caught up on the lives of my IF sisters..

..and the TWO more recent BFPS! Amber just got a surprise positive, after being on a break. Perhaps she was just "relaxed" enough?! Ha! A big congrats to her!

Additionally, Natalie received a beautiful second pink line after many years of heartbreak. I can't think of a woman more deserving of the joys of motherhood, especially after all she has experienced and survived. Congrats and sticky vibes to her!

I have now appropriately moved these lovely ladies to the "Baking the Bun" portion of my blog. Now, in the first time in my blogging history, I have more buddies in that category that in the "Preheating the Oven" portion! This, my friends, gives me hope.

1 down, 2 to go!

AF #1: check.

Boy, I guess all you have to do get a visitor is complain! Yup, she showed up today with her 2 friends Pain and Bloating. Oh yeah, and in her suitcase she packed little PMS.

So happy am I...

Getting Impatient (ha!)

Why is it that when you don't want anything to do with AF, she shows up with her 6 million suitcases in preparation for a long visit.....and when you want NOTHING MORE than to see her, she is nowhere in sight? Seriously? Can a girl get a break? I'd like to check AF #1 off my list SOMETIME in September.

In other news, today I got to see some pics of M's new (week-old) darling little girl. If there is one thing that snaps me out of my IF funk, it's the sight of a gorgeous new baby. Forget jealousy, forget sadness, forget impatience. The sight of a new baby is and always will be my saving grace.